I have
always thought of myself young at heart, but maybe I just never grew up. I have
found throughout the years that I find myself being more playful than ever, and
doing more and more silly things. And that is exactly what I did, the night of
the Borrego 08 banquet. I was just down right silly,… and nobody bothered to
stop me. But, boy, did I have fun! For those of you who were not able to attend
the festivities, Borrego 08 was a tribute/roast to our famed Max Bubeck. When
Timmy first told me about the roast, my mind started racing with a multitude of
ideas…. I just couldn’t decide,… I mean,.. this man is the “roasters dream”…
there is so much to work with, I really didn’t know where to start. I came up
with, as most of you know,.. “The Max Bubeck Doll”, the most popular and
requested item EVER TO BE SOLD ON THE QVC NETWORK! I came up with 5 dolls in a
matter of minutes,.. and a hour later the script was written.
My plan
was to find 5 Ken dolls, (Barbie and Ken) strip them,.. and make the necessary
changes so that the viewers would be completely satisfied with their “Max Bubeck
Doll”. Each doll would tell a different story about the legend and I am certain,
had I more time, I could have easily designed 10 dolls for this collection. As I
was purchasing my dolls, I asked the cashier if she had any G.I. Joe dolls ,( it
just seemed more appropriate to use the G.I. Joe dolls as they are much more…
manly,)… and she oddly answered that the Ken dolls were all they had. She then
asked me why I was buying 5 Ken dolls,,… I answered that it was a game I was
playing, and she just looked strangely at me, like I was missing a few marbles
upstairs or as I mentioned earlier, ….I just haven’t grown up yet. From there, I
left the store, happy that I had my dolls and excited for the new
transformations these dolls were about to receive. Once home, I stripped the
dolls, cut and highlighted the hair and designed new clothes, all in the name of
Max. As the dolls came to life,.. I found myself starting to giggle and all the
everyday cares and stress melted into my playtime with my new doll “Max.” The
Max Bubeck dolls needed to come in a set,..like most collectibles do. This
collection consisted of:
1. The Motorcycle Max Doll
2. The Speedo Swim Bubeck Doll
3. The Medals of Plenty Bubeck Doll
4. The Classy Champagne Bubeck Doll
And last but
not least
5. The All Knowing Bubeck Doll.
I was quite pleased with the design of the dolls, and it took me back to younger
days. I showed Timmy the collection and he thought they would be fine for the
roast. I replied..”FINE?”…are you KIDDING,.. these dolls are hilarious…. They
aren’t fine,. ..their FABULOUS! (this is about the time when I realized maybe it
was time for me to put the dolls down.... but I was having too MUCH FUN!) A week
before Borrego, I started having second thoughts,. I mean, this guy really is a
legend. I started thinking, what if Max doesn’t like it,.. what if he is
offended? What if he walks out,… I understand it is a roast,… but I certainly
did not want to come across as disrespectful. I fretted, I worried, I asked a
few close friends and some of my most trusted motorcycle riders what they felt,
..and they all agreed to “go for it”. So, I went for it. Although our backdrop
showcasing each individual doll, with close ups and the most intimate of details
were not in working order,… we improvised,.. and with the help of our own funny
man Mr. Mark Yamron, who was my official co-host on the QVC network, we got
lucky and pulled it off. But then again,.. anything Mark says is funny,… so the
roast went as planned. Because of the fact that I was concentrating and
“selling” each Bubeck doll to the “max”, I missed out on what was going on
behind me on the big screen, but apparently Mark got some great footage with his
own home video, zooming in and out of each doll as they were presented. I was
complemented when I was told it was like watching “Oh,No,.. Mr.Bill…” from an old
sketch on Saturday Night Live.
Just when I was ready to showcase the “Medals of Plenty Bubeck Doll”, I was told
by my wonderful co-host Mark Yamron, that the QVC “had a new doll available for
sell tonight only,… and can only be bought on the QVC”,..I nervously played
along,.. and secretly prayed it wouldn’t be too out of line,… As I relinquished
the spotlight, Mark stood up and said…. “We are thrilled to showcase,… the Janis
Graber doll”… It took me a few seconds to register…and when I looked over and
saw Mark waving a Barbie doll, I basically had to walk away from the podium, to
regain my composure. Mark proceeded to sell the “Janis Graber” doll and
highlighted the fact, that it came with 2 different outfits, and then he began
taking her clothes off! This is where I starting feeling light headed as I
anxiously awaited to see what was coming next,… of course with my QVC smile
never wavering. As he continued to take the elegant formal dress off the doll,…
he proudly showed the beautiful leather swim suit, two piece, I might add, that
this doll wore underneath her formal. After the rumbling was over, …all I could
say was..”Gosh, Mark,.I’m speechless,.. I really don’t what to say,....it’s
beautiful!!” As we ran out of time on the QVC network,… the Bubeck dolls were
FLYING OFF THE SHELVES, and it was time to close the show.
Throughout the show, it was my job to make sure all viewers could order their
great collection of the legend before time ran out,…and I closed the show with
my familiar “pitch”…”SO DON’T WAIT FOLKS.... Operators are standing by….THE
NUMBER ON THE SCREEN… 1800-MAXED OUT,… IT’S EASY…1-800- MAXED OUT! And REMEMBER,
if you’re not completely satisfied with your Max Bubeck Doll, simply return it
within 30 days and we will refund your money, no questions asked….“BUT WE JUST
KNOW YOU’RE GONNA LOVE HIM”……
I’m Janis Graber, along with Mark Yamron, thanks for watching QVC, and GOOD
NIGHT!
PS. After the show,. Max sheepishly asked if he could keep the dolls,.. luckily
I had kept the boxes they came in, and boxed them all up along with a copy of
the script. I believe Timmy snuck the “Janis Graber” doll back,, as it showed up
at the party in the hospitality room later,…and well,.. I’ve never seen so many
grown men play with a Barbie Doll in my entire life,… I guess there’s a kid left
in all of us,… at least a little bit.